Sera Myu review: Mistress Labyrinth Remix

Last night I took a look at the Winter 2003 musical DVD, called Bishojo Senshi SAILOR MOON - Mugen Gakuen Mistress Labyrinth [Revised Edition].

Its a "revised edition" because what they basically did was take the songs and plotline from the Summer 2002 musical, Mugen Gakuen Mistress Labyrinth, and change a few things here and there; a few new songs and tweaking the plot a bit. And they still charge you 4800 yen for the DVD. I saw the original musical disc a few months ago, and I'm basically combining both reviews here.

The rest of this article contains spoilers for essentially the whole musical.
The musical itself, though, is just a retelling of the S season. So if you know the S season, and why would you be here if you didn't, you're not going to really be "spoiled" of anything and might as well read onward. If you do, you'll learn about the words
Make a noise, impossible emotion!
and why Japan really needs to get better English textbooks.

One of the first changes apparent between this and the original Mistress Labyrinth is that there have been a few new cast members added. Uranus and Neptune, who were played by the same duo for what seems like forever, have new actresses. Hard to believe the Sera Myu people finally ended the run of the super-dyke Uranus they had previously, as she seemed to fit Haruka perfectly. (You can see her picture in the “watermelon” page scan from the last update and some of the original Mistress Labyrinth rehearsal shots below.)

But most noticeable was the Mamoru/Tuxedo Mask change. Until I saw his name in the credits, and what he looked like without the makeup on, I swear I thought this guy was a gaijin. With the make up on he looks like a retarded Ashton Kutcher. Later, in the “making of” bonus segment, this camwhore Tuxedo Mask keeps running behind every person being interviewed and giving a “v” sign like some 5 year old Japanese girl, proving he is actually retarded. (And possibly Ashton Kutcher in disguise, who knows.)

This musical is pretty much the entire S season wrapped into a 2 1/2 hour play, and very twisted. (Saturn uses Death Reborn Revolution on everyone!!) I take it that a lot of what was in this Myu was pulled from the manga. I wonder if the first Mistress Labyrinth was just a replay of one of the earlier musicals, at that, since I've noticed that there were several S musicals and I'll bet one of them covered the events of the season.

The audio on the remix disc was better than the original Mistress Labyrinth DVD. In that disc, the audience was incredibly annoying all the time. Kids crying, shouting things, and being constantly distracting. There needs to be a warning for parents who bring their kids to a Sera Myu: "May cause children to be startled by booming, unintelligible Japanese voices (Pharaoh 90), and cause irreversible damage in English learning."

Even if you don’t speak Japanese, there’s so much in the Myu for you to enjoy and ridicule, because the songs in these plays are a treasure trove of Engrish. Lets take a look:

In “Triangle Secret” the Witches 5 sing:

Look, Look, WITCHES
Look, Look, Black art

Watch, Watch, WITCHES
Look, Look, Black art

Drive, drive to the wall
We are secret
Triangle Secret on the earth

It just gets better from here, because up comes my favourite, Tuxedo Versus. This was changed in the remix, as in the original ML it was Tuxedo Mission. (A different TM theme song.) Tuxedo Versus has much more Engrish love going for it, though, so this was a great change. It includes such chorus lines as:

Make a noise, impossible emotion
Make a puzzle, impossible intention
Historical Versus

OH MY GOD. From now on any time I get in a fight someone I’m going to express what is occurring the match in obvious terms through singing to my opponent.

But it gets worse. That seems like it’d be impossible, but its true.

In “Harsh! Saint Cry!!” the chorus line is:

HARSH HARSH URANUS
HARSH HARSH NEPTUNE

And they say this slowly and deviously. (Its kind of being whispered.) Think about that for a moment, maybe say it to yourself. Now scream.

Sailor Uranus was pretty screwy in the anime, but in the musicals, she’s even worse, she’s a harsh Uranus. I don’t even want to think about it.

The final line for that song is:

Harsh Myth, Harsh Saint Cry
Harsh Myth, Harsh Break The Silence!!

What was disappointing in the Remix version was that they didn’t include Millennium ~ Koi no Senshi Ja Irarenai which has kind of been a staple in all the musicals recently. It was in the original version of Mistress Labyrinth (but not on the soundtrack.) The remix version doesn’t have a soundtrack CD released, probably because most, if not all of the songs in the remix that were new to the remix version of ML are taken from older musicals.

The original version of the Mistress Labyrinth musical started off with Kaolinite, Tomoe (the Tomoe actor did an awesome job of playing him), and a booming Pharoah 90 voice discussing the "Tairon" crystal and why they want the ginzuishou so bad that they could sing about it. (But do not. Yet.) Instead, the remix begins at the next scene, where we've got Usagi, Mamoru, and Chibi-Usa meeting in the park, and singing. The senshi don’t like to be left out of the engrish jamboree so they show up and sing too.

This gets followed up by the entrance of Haruka and Michiru, dressed in their Mugen gakuen fuku. The inner senshi don't know them, and when they leave Usagi asks the other senshi about the school they go to. Setsuna passes by on the way to Mugen as well (she's a grad student there), and when Chibi Usa asks if she's "Puu" she says no. After this, enter an entirely new story arc: the "Grim Seiji."

This family, all of whom have pink hair, consists of: an older brother who goes to Juuban high school because he has a thing for Ami, an older sister who is a bitch (goes to Mugen), a cross dressing dad (works at Mugen in the original, does not in the remix), and two 'twin' daughters (go to Mugen as well.) They say they are from Planet “Grim” or Planet "Hameln" or Planet “Boring.” They are primarily in the play for comedic relief, but are trying to get the ginzuishou because they want to get the Tairon crystal before Pharoah 90; Pharoah 90 destroyed their home planet.

The Hameln people leave because they suck so Rei then talks about her recent nightmares, and Mamoru complains about strange things happening at Mugen gakuen, The senshi do what they should have done in the anime- that is, go straight to Mugen gakuen. Back at the Tomoe lab, that wacky professor does a little song and dance with the Witches 5, who all know they're working for Pharaoh 90. (I didn't get the impression they realized this in the anime. They sure do like that Pharaoh 90 guy though.) We also see Hotaru come in, and she gives Kaolinite a verbal smacking. Chibi Usa, at Mugen with the rest of the senshi, soon meets Hotaru and becomes her friend. (Hotaru stares at Chibi Usa's brooch, containing the ginzuishou, and tries to grab it and its even more creepy than in the anime.) Hotaru also has these voice overs where she says (in Japanese) “Its coming out of me! Something, inside, is coming out!” all the time. Whenever she did that though I kept finding it funny because I thought of the baby alien from Spaceballs that rips out of the guy and does a song and dance number.

Later, the new senshi, Uranus and Neptune, confront the inner senshi at Mugen. Uranus and Neptune know full well from the start that Moon is the princess (and even say that they'll kill her if she gets in the way of their mission.) Hell everyone seems to know the senshi’s identities. The Witches 5, the Grim Seiji losers, etc.

For that matter the outer senshi already have their talismen (they start off holding the space sword and aqua mirror), but the talismen just haven’t ‘come together’ yet. (There is no mention of a Messiah in this play.) The past of this particular continuity, as we learn later, is quite different from what we're used to. From my, at times rather jumbled understanding of what was going on, the Silver Millennium had not necessarily ended at the hands of Beryl (who never gets mentioned), but rather due to the awakening of Saturn. The outer senshi had tried to kill her, but Queen Serenity wouldn't let them, and they hadn't forgiven her for that. As a good-bye present, Uranus uses World Shaking on them. What a Harsh Uranus!

At the Hikawa shrine the inner senshi discuss the new outer senshi; Usagi wants desperately to work with them, but the rest, particularly Rei, are adamant against it. Rei yells, "Those people are not sailor senshi!" and runs off. Chibi-Usa comes in talking about her new friend, and Mamoru (reading a file on Tomoe) gets quite a shock out of hearing that friend is Tomoe Hotaru. The Hameln people enter, and ask Usagi for her ginzuishou. They make such a scene that she almost does give it to them. (It ends up that she promises to let them use its power later.)

The Witches 5 attack at the shrine. Tuxedo Mask pulls off a "Tuxedo La Smoking Bomber" but Kaolinite blocks it. The senshi and Hameln people are losing pretty badly, when Hotaru steps in. She gets knocked out, and the first half ends. (We don't learn what happened immediately after the battle.)

There are a couple small changes in the second half of the remix, compared to the original. In the original, at the start of the second half we see the inner senshi talking, either later that day or the next day. Chibi-Usa leaves to go find Hotaru. Switching scenes, the Hameln people are brainwashed by the Witches 5, and Chibi-Usa is kidnapped with her ginzuishou stolen. In the remix, only one of the Hameln people, the older brother, gets brainwashed.

Chibi-Usa’s ginzuishou is used to bring out Mistress 9. The inner senshi and the outer senshi are at odds, as the outer senshi refuse to allow the inner senshi to be involved. Pluto says that the fact that Pharoah 90 has come to the planet is the fault of the outers, since they allowed a foreign invader to get through (there was something about coming from the future too, I think, but I wasn't sure) and the outers won't allow the inners to enter their fight. The outers also want to kill Saturn really, really bad. Uranus particularly gets off on wanting to kill Saturn. DAMN YOU, HARSH URANUS!

The Inner senshi infiltrate Mugen gakuen, and confront the Witches 5 one-on-one. Mimette and Venus have a song-duel in the remix, which is pretty amusing, because Mimette keeps on singing Venus’s song and that drives Venus crazy.

The senshi themselves are about to get brainwashed (it seems to be the specialty of Kaolinite) but the outer senshi use some stupid move that I forget and block it.

The Hameln people, in the original, were starting to fight the senshi after this (they lost their brainwashing soon also), but in the remix, the older brother fights his sister. It was just a trick, though, because he tries to kill Professor Tomoe in the middle of it. (Tomoe runs off stage.)

Mistress 9 comes and laughs at everyone and kills off the Hameln people (hooray?) while Tomoe returns as Germatoid. Mistress 9 tries to use the ginzuishou, the outer senshi try to stop her, and somehow Mistress 9 becomes Sailor Saturn. Saturn, seeing Germatoid and the Witches 5, say that they cannot be allowed to live, and uses Death Reborn evolution.

The Witches 5, inners, and outers (Saturn herself included) die, with Uranus's last words to Sailor Moon being "Since this is what you desired, there is no problem." (HARSH URANUS YOU ARE SO MEAN!)

The only one who is alive after this is Sailor Moon. She hears Chibi-Usa's voice (where the hell was Chibi-Usa the whole time? Under the stage apparently), and together they use their Ginzuishou to reverse the Death Reborn Revolution. The only problem is that they brought the Witches 5 back as well. How do the Witches 5 finally get defeated? Well, through the magic continuity power of the Myu, Sailor Moon becomes Eternal Sailor Moon, and kicks their asses. Saturn pledges herself to Sailor Moon, and and all is well. End play.

Bonuses on the original Mistress Labyrinth play’s disc include a 4-angle music video of "Searching for a Mystery" and a new "La Soldier" music video featuring that musical's cast. On the remix’s disc, there are a couple of 1-chorus songs provided as “Service Numbers”: Everlasting Moonlight, The Last Change, La soldier, and Ginga no Sanctuary. The last song was apparently taken from a different showing of the play, because its sung right after the credits, and the actress who plays Pluto says that this is her last play after doing them for what seems like forever.

There are also picture pages on the DVD with the cast, commercials for the musical, and a listing of previous musicals. (The scans you see to your left and above are taken from the original ML's playbill.) But far better are the 15 minute "Making of the musical" featurettes included on both discs. In the original the featurette is narrated by the girl who plays Sailor Moon (Marina Kuroki) along with Uranus and Neptune. You go behind the scenes at photograph sessions, the first reading of the dialogue, and spend a lot of time at one of the choreography rehearsals. The various cast members at the rehearsal are interviewed, sweating profusely, and the commentary is hilarious because Uranus and Moon are making fun of them while they're talking. There are a couple of other funny scenes, where the guy who plays the older Hameln brother breaks his glasses at practice, and the guy who plays Tuxedo Mask falls asleep in the middle of the dance floor. (With an arrow pointing to him on the screen.)

In the remix version, it’s kind of the same thing, but its narrated by Moon and the older brother Hameln guy. The person who plays Tuxedo Mask, as I already said, keeps running up behind the people. When we see some guy talking during the script reading, Moon and other narrator say “Who’s this guy? He showed up the first day and we never saw him again” although I couldn’t tell if that was sarcasm or not. The featurette also takes you to a couple of the different show dates, and to a place called the “Sailor Moon World Sunshine Store” (something like that) which I wish I could have gone to.

All in all, very fun stuff, even if I did waste a total of 100 bucks on buying two DVDs that have essentially the same exact play. Stupid Japan. (It’s clearly the entire country’s fault.) Unfortunately I broke some of the cardinal rules for in watching the Myu last night: don’t watch the Myu past 3am and don’t watch the Myu with a headache- the result is like crossing the beams in Ghostbusters. (The Myu’s are crazy and will destroy you when you’re not looking.) I have managed to survive, although I can’t tell if my sanity has.